Because the most basic thing I am in charge of is my own body.
Self Defense is what started me on all of this “I’m In Charge” business. My own personal security was rarely on the radar. What could possibly go wrong? And for the most part, things haven’t. And yet…things do. Most people are good, or at least decent. I believe that. It still makes sense to have options in case you run into that one guy.
That’s why when I met this intense, passionate lady who was starting a brand new party plan company called Damsel in Defense, I was hooked. I was SO NOT LOOKING to do direct sales. I already work full-time at a job I love, I teach bellydance one night a week and help mentor a pre-professional bellydance group a second night; I have a couple of other creative side ventures, I did not need more things to do – and I am NOT a salesperson. I even have a past direct sales failure under my belt – years ago, I signed up under a friend with a cosmetics company, was pressured by a higher-up to place a large inventory order on my credit card, and hardly sold a damn thing. It just wasn’t me. But THIS – pepper sprays, stun guns, keychain weapons, with colors and designs that appealed to me – this was so different and cool. I jumped right in, and it has changed the way I walk around in the world.
Statistics can be misleading. Some say they’re overblown. Some say they’re underreported. I say it doesn’t matter, because YOU’RE NOT A STATISTIC, and neither am I. As an individual person walking around, there is a non-zero chance of meeting up with someone who means to harm you. There’s a pretty good chance that such a person will have advantages in strength and surprise on his side. What can you do to level the playing field or even turn the odds to your favor?
- First, pay attention. You can’t defend against (or better yet, avoid!) what you didn’t see coming.
- Next, trust your instincts. We so often question ourselves and give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t do that. If someone creeps you out, get away from him, have your pepper spray or other weapon of choice at the ready, tell him to leave you alone if you need to. You don’t have to be hostile, but you don’t have to be so damn nice, either. A legitimately nice guy won’t try to push past your boundaries.
- About that weapon of choice – make sure you’re very comfortable with how it works. Not only that, make a decision about when you’re going to use it. If X happens, that’s my cue. Practice physically, practice mentally, so that if something does happen you’re ready. The last thing in the world you need in a sketchy situation is to have to think about it.
- Also, have a Plan B. The first option may not go as planned, you should have a backup plan. And another one. There is no one thing that’s the right tool for every situation. And no one thing that’s foolproof. “Two is one and one is none.”
- GET AWAY. The point is not for you to kick some guy’s butt and stand over him. As much as I love the image of you RAWRing over a bloodied and beaten attacker, that only happens in the movies. Your goal is to buy yourself the time to get somewhere safe. That’s it. The longer you interact with someone who is trying to hurt you, the more chances there are for things to go wrong. Stun and run. Spray and get away.
- Do what you can to be an unattractive target for “opportunity crime”. Some people are just watching for easy prey, and you don’t have to be that. Walking tall, being watchful, carrying your weapon, locking your doors, keeping your valuables out of plain sight – we all know these things, and we all forget them sometimes. Try not to. Nobody has any right to hurt you no matter what, obviously. You should be able to meander through a parking lot naked with your attention buried in your phone, car doors unlocked, windows down, purse on the seat, big pile of money sticking out of the top. If you did all of that and somebody victimized you, it would not serve you right. It would not be your fault. But if you can make it harder for jerks to take your stuff or hurt your body, you’re better off.